abigail_m was playing with her menagerie of dolls, and the newest addition, a glow-worm (that fortunately doesn't make noise anymore, owing to some wire "surgery" with a pair of scissors). I was watching, drinking coffee. When Abby walked away I picked up the glow-worm and pantomimed it drinking coffee, and then squeezed it to make it glow.

me: "look Abby, the caffeine makes it glow!"
Abby (scowling): "no! electricity makes it glow!"

poeticdream: "i had fun with you today, Abby."
abigail_m: "I had fun with myself today too."

abby: "get in the bath!"
me: "I'm not hearing a word... do you know which one?"
abby: "go ahead, surprise me."

("Asking is just p-p-polite demanding." —Max Headroom)

abigail_m has drawn an orangish blob picture in TuxPaint.
abby: "print!" *clicks print*
*printer makes noises*
...
*printer makes more noises*
me: "is it printing another one?"
abby: "no. it's cleaning its print heads."
abby: "wait, it is printing another one! oh, thank you, printer!"

Abby has come to the conclusion that penises go in vulvas. From whence she got this notion, I do not know.

abigail_m: "penises go in vulvas."
...
me: "I didn't teach her that!"
poeticdream: "I didn't either!"
me, Robin: ???

Abby: "I want that toy."
me: "I know."
Abby: "I want that toy!"
me: "I know."
Abby: "'I want that toy!' she said excitedly."
*me & poeticdream guffaw and giggle*

oh, Abby, you know how to make us laugh.

poeticdream and me talking about painting the hallway:

me: "I'm going to paint the wall and drink beer, and then... [pauses for dramatic effect, then sways back and forth a bit] i'll be high!"
abigail_m whines: "i wish i could paint the walls and get high..."
me: "someday I'm sure you will, Abby."

it reminds me of a conversation Lindsay Leclair had with her mom when she was in high school: Lindsay: "I don't think I'll ever do drugs mom, I just don't get the point." her mom: "oh, you'll do them..."

last night abigail_m was drawing in her sketchbook. she said she was drawing a few different things. first she said she drew a ballerina, which looked like a mass of random scribbles and chicken scratches. then she said "penis!", which was a bit of a nonsequitur, but i came over to look and indeed, she had drawn a penis.

why is it that my 3 year old can draw penises?

The scene: Just now as abigail_m and I were walking up our driveway to the street level we saw two police cars that had pulled over someone for who-knows-what. The cops had the perp out of the car and were talking to him and rummaging around in his car.

me: "hey! they blocked the driveway!"
abigail_m: "what?"
me: "look, those two police cars parked right in front of our driveway!"
Abby: "yeah! it's like they think it's a parking lot!"

Abby will be three on Monday.

setting: earlier, at WRFR.

cast: abigail_m, poeticdream, and yours truly, riffraff.

[Abby produces a chocolate, by sleight of hand or magic, we're not sure which]

Robin, incredulously: "Abby, where'd you get chocolate from?"

Abby, triumphantly: "From my pocket!"

Robin: ...

Kim: *sputters and hyperventilates, laughing out of control*

Abby: "Take a deep breath..."

Robin: ...
Kim: ... *takes a deep breath*

abigail_m has declared that while egg noodles shall still be called egg noodles, tortellini shall henceforth be called "tiny pasta"

earlier:

me: "ready for dinner?"
abigail_m: "noooo....."
me: "why not? aren't you hungry?"
abby: "i am, but... I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER dot com" *grin*
me: ...

poeticdream: "I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want some coffee?"
abigail_m: "No, I don't like coffee!"
Robin: "Why not?"
Abby: "Because it's too caffeinated."

Abby and I played a game of Crazy Eights and she tied me. so, I guess she's gonna be a card shark. Anyone want to play her?

abigail_m, smacking me on the chest lightly with a diaper (for emphasis) as we walk to change her diaper: "after *smack* this *smack* set of diapers *smack* I'm *smack* potty-trained. OK?"
me: "o rly?"
abby: "yes."

this is how it goes with her, she wears the old paradigm into the ground, then, one day out of the blue she chooses a new one and, more often than not, sticks with it.

abigail_m: "can i borrow your credit card because i don't have a credit card"

me: "I have pizza, yes I do. I like pizza, how about you?"
abigail_m: "I do!"
me: "that rhymes!"
poeticdream: "woohoo!"
me: "that does too!"

I didn't know Abby knew the word "combine/combining."

srsly. big. vocabulary. for a two year old.

also: the other day she said (during a radio station meeting, nonetheless) "my vulva hurts!" later, when we called the doctor's office to see what was up, apparently the nurse was impressed with her self-diagnosis, using the word vulva. ("she said what? .. she said 'vulva'? .. and she knows what that means, that that refers to her parts? .. wow.")

today she announced that when she pees it no longer hurts her vulva. yay.

abby: "winking, blinking, winking blinking ..."
me: "fireflies at night."
abby: "but what's the rest of it?"
me: "i don't remember."
abby: "me either. i should google it."
me: "and, how would you do this?"
abby: "i would get on my computer and look for it on the internet."

poeticdream, to me: "When you were first learning to drive it was annoying when people would signal one way and then turn the other way. That's so fucking annoying!"

abigail_m, sounding slightly disappointed in her mommy: "Don't say 'fucking'!. I've told you so many times!"

[robin and I just sit there blinking and laughing at each other]

right after I got home tonight and was welcomed by poeticdream and abigail_m on the back deck the following conversation took place:

abby: "i pooped!"
me: "okay, I'll change your diaper then."
abby: "we need to go inside."
me: "okay, we'll go inside, get a diaper, and then we'll come back out and I'll change your diaper."
abby: "no, not right here."
me: "abby, I need to change your diaper."
abby: "noooooooo!"
me *puzzled*: "why not?"
abby: "because, if you change me out here on the deck and poop comes out, it'll be a poop deck!"